[Jaskier would be lying if he said he didn't feel a pang of guilt when she acknowledges his absence. Not that it would have necessarily felt better had she chosen to say nothing of it. It just would have been easier to ignore that particular sting relative to this one since it would be unspoken, leaving him a good chance to not have noticed it on any sort of conscious level.]
[And yet... Well, he needed the space. And that's not such a terrible thing. To do what he needed for himself. At least, he's willing to try and believe that right now, and it's not quite as difficult to do with Yennefer. If anyone were to understand, she would be the first, wouldn't she? She's practically written the book on doing what needs to be done for oneself first, after all. Still, Jaskier keeps the struggle between his wants and needs to himself and nothing appears to be even the slightest bit amiss as he scoffs with a shake of his head.]
Oh, don't start using me as an excuse. You did one kind thing for the first time in what? Ever? And now you think that's an excuse to congratulate yourself by sitting on your laurels. [He knows she hasn't been. Jaskier didn't need to be here to know that Yennefer was likely still throwing herself into her research for as long as possible. Most likely it was too much.] Honestly, I should have known if I wasn't keeping a closer eye on you, you'd start to get unfocused and likely start expecting all sorts of favors from everyone around you.
[He shakes his head a little like he's not mad, just disappointed.]
Well, I owe you nothing because not only did I keep my mouth shut when you provided me with a perfect opportunity to speak at length about all the ways in which you have perfected the art of being a heartless she-demon who gorges herself endlessly on the misery and suffering of others that she inflicts by her mere presence alone, I also did as you asked, [he says, pulling a flask from one of his pockets and offering it to her with a theatrical bow.] Your ale, my most heroic and valiant lady.
[When she takes it, he adds,] I promise it doesn't have as horrendous an aftertaste as the first one. You should like it even with as discerning a palate as yours.
[Jaskier shudders a little at the memory of it. He's tolerated some shit alcohol—the sorts that one should never drink unless they were already quite intoxicated and even that did little to take the edge off—but that one stood far above those. It's the reason he took to taste-testing the alcohol he brought her after.]
For the record, not the first kind thing I've done. Just because it's the first one you recall does not rewrite history. If only I had the time to bask in the afterglow of heroism. Maybe be fed grapes and fanned a bit? At least to start with.
(but there's no time for it, and if people had thanked her too much for it she would have felt weird about it. she didn't do it because it was the right thing to do, she did it because it was her people in there, and she rescued other people because it would gain favor with lucifer which could be advantageous for her. at least that's what she tells herself. it's much easier to think it was all selfish.
she's not surprised when he presents the flask. after all, he has made a habit of bringing her things, whether's it's trinkets or food or lectures about how she's beginning to look her age from a lack of rest.)
I'm beginning to think I should call you a magpie, Bard. You have adapted the habits of one.
(which is her way of saying thank you. but then the next part makes her raise a brow. it's the second time now he's made such a reference to the future she hasn't lived through. she shouldn't poke at it and yet she touches the hot iron all the same.)
You made a comment in there about me rescuing you before -- and now this comment about ale. There's a story there.
[Jaskier rolls his eyes at the mention of grapes and fanning. Oddly enough, despite how self-indulgent Yennefer tends to be, Jaskier couldn't imagine her actually indulging in that sort of attention. He thinks she would never be able to stand being treated so delicately. Not for long, anyway. Once the novelty wore off, that would be it.]
What? [Jaskier doesn't have a moment to comment on the magpie comment before Yennefer has thrown him for a loop. His eyebrows raise as he realizes more of what he's said. Both before and now. Shit. Fucking fuck. Jaskier's jaw starts to work for a moment before firmly, he blurts out,] No. No, there isn't. Well. There is. But...
[He trails off, mentally scrambling for anything that might throw off the scent that he's let anything slip. Quickly, he arrives at something and folds his arms across his chest.]
Buuuuut you already know the stories. Yeah. You do. You absolutely do. [Jaskier nods before he unfolds an arm to gesture at Yennefer.] As you already said for yourself, you remember the first one better than I do. Though I would completely understand the argument that putting a knife to my throat certainly detracts from the notion of being rescued resulted in its preclusion as a possibility of what I was referring to. I'm glad we can agree that it ought to be in all fairness. Truly, the first sign that you have any sense of morality.
[Jaskier's hand moves to his hip as he gestures with a finger, waving and pointing towards the ceiling as he moves onto his next point.]
And as far as ale is concerned, sure, we were technically not drinking together together, but don't tell me you remember the ale in Caingorn as being particularly good?
[Jaskier raises an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly like he's about to judge her if she so much as indicates she would.]
I mean, I'm sure it's better than whatever pisswater passes for ale in Nilfgaard, but Yennefer... Don't make me take that ale back and give it to someone who might properly appreciate it. I'll do it. Don't think I won't. Because I will. I will absolutely not allow what little good drink there is here to be wasted on someone with an inferior palate.
[Jaskier isn't even sure he believes himself right now. But he's talking quickly, not allowing much room for response or challenge before he's talking about taking back the flask he just handed her. So, maybe if she doesn't believe him, she'll at least be distracted by the manic energy of his talking that she won't want to bother with pressing him any further on the matter. He said he wouldn't tell her anything, and he intends to keep that. As much as possible, provided his stupid mouth hasn't spoiled it.]
(it's true, yennefer actually finds such fawning annoying -- unless she can use someone's adoration of her to her advantage like that poor knight she followed on the dragon hunt.
it's almost impossible to keep up from one thought to another, jaskier is speaking so quickly. she doesn't even have a chance to point she does have a sense of morality -- it just happens to look a little different from a lot of other people's. but even she has lines she wouldn't cross. or she thinks she wouldn't cross, anyways.
two things can be true at once. she doesn't really want to know her future but she doesn't buy what he's trying to sell either. jaskier only gets that rambling when he's nervous. and why would he be nervous if he wasn't covering something up? she could invade his mind, try to pry out the answers there, but she doesn't really want them it's just....curious to think that circumstances in the future might have made them closer. it would explain the whole magpie routine he's taken on. him giving a shit about her at all. his barbs aren't nearly as sharp as they once were. it's just interesting is all. nothing more.)
I'd like to see you try to take this, or anything from me, bard. (she challenges with an amused brow. but she does open the flask now to take a drink.)
You're telling the truth about that much -- it does taste better than the piss we had to deal with in Caingorn.
[Tension that had been building in Jaskier's shoulders drops at that. Whether she believes him or not is somewhat irrelevant. (Though he would hazard to guess that she isn't entirely convinced by her clarification around where she sees the truth of his words.) The important part is that she's not asking anything further and he doesn't need to reach for creative solutions to avoid providing direct answers.]
[He shrugs a little in an I told you so manner at her comment about the ale. But he's far from content to let that be entirely non-verbal.]
See? Told you. [Jaskier lets his hands drop back down at his side.] And I'm not behaving like a magpie. I'm just merely making you a little more tolerable. Speaking of which...
[Jaskier holds up a finger before fishing around in his pockets again. He ends up producing a small jar. It's difficult to say if he's really undermining anyone's point here, or simply reinforcing both their claims by having yet another thing to give her. But it's been a while since he's turned up unannounced, so there's a bit to make up for as far as he's concerned.]
I've felt smoother and softer rocks than your hand. So. To spare anyone else that fate, yeah?
[Because he absolutely has no intention of touching her hands again, thank you very much.]
(she could push it further but what if it really is stuff she'd rather not know? she has enough, and thens some, on her plate currently. better not to add things from a future she hasn't lived yet to it. it's just practical. even if she is still a little curious.)
You say you're not a magpie and then you present me with another gift.
(but she's curious. she opens up the jar, sniffing slightly. it's a nice lavender smell -- a change from her normal lilac and gooseberries blends. he says it's for her hands but she wonders if he was also thinking of her nerves. she doesn't ask. that would be admitted her nerves need soothing. )
You weren't complaining at the time, if I recall. (she twists the top of the jar back on)
It's okay if you actually liked holding hands with me, Jaskier. No one would fault you.
[Jaskier laughs sarcastically, as though Yennefer has told a joke only she would find funny because it was meant to denigrate the listener. The accusation sits more or less on the same level as that, in any case.]
I would much sooner cut both my hands off before I would ever desire to hold your hand again, witch. The only reason I didn't complain about having my hand trapped in that unsightly and disproportionate paw of yours is that I was delirious. In case you hadn't noticed, I hadn't slept properly for quite some time. Never mind everything those pills and injections did to me.
[Jaskier has never been particularly good at masking discomfort of any sort. In fact, one could make the argument he rarely ever bothers with masking it given that he tends to verbalize it loudly and immediately upon its presence. But, in general, Jaskier has never been particularly well-versed in deceit. Unlike Yennefer who can feel one thing and present the exact opposite with no evidence of any falsehood, Jaskier's facades always crumble immediately. It's what leads him to be so reliant upon distraction and misdirection rather than a direct lie.]
[And so, it's likely abundantly obvious that the mere mention of it all brings forth a dark cloud for Jaskier. His eyes dart away from Yennefer, glancing over at an unimportant spot on the nearby wall. His voice is even and strong, but it still fades just a touch by the end. The pad of one of his thumbs traces a brief circle over his fingertips. Jaskier opens his mouth to say something else, but then he thinks better of it. She asked where he was a while ago, and he never gave her an answer. It's not so much that the moment has completely passed since he can always return to it, but it feels a little too vulnerable a thing to admit to Yennefer. To anyone really, but especially to Yennefer. Even if she perhaps already knows that Jaskier just needed some time and that's why he hasn't been around like he was before.]
[So, instead, his expression brightens quickly—the fidgeting and discomfort only lasts for a second or two as he brushes aside any effect his time in the hospital has had on him—and he says instead,]
I know you're used to every man you come across losing what little sense he might possess in your presence, but I happen to be immune. I only took your hand out of necessity. So, better luck with someone else, Yennefer.
Of course I noticed. I would have been completely blind not to.
(it's not her best work but she admits, she's slightly taken aback. his words are sharper than they have been....since he's been here really. she had begun to get used to a form of banter that didn't feel quite as pointed, quite as sharp. but she obviously hit a nerve, and what does a wounded animal do but bite back when backed into a corner?
who would know better than that. and yet his words sting. she remembers a time when her hands were unsightly, not as twisted as her spine had been, or as offset as her jaw, but still. she reminds herself that she was lucky. she didn't have to suffer the way he and geralt and countless others did in that hospital. she notices the fidgeting and discomfort, but she doesn't address it. nor does she remind him that they more than held hands. she had hugged him, tried to offer him some semblance of comfort.
she thought they were...what friends? that seems foolish. he probably just checks up on her so much because he worries about her dragging geralt into her shit. he never actually wanted to be her friend. she pulls herself back together, as she always does, not that any of that internal struggle played out on her face anyways. )
Then why, pray tell, did you wait outside my door for gods know how long? You could have left your gifts with a scathing letter and be done with it.
[Jaskier opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn't have an immediate answer prepared. Yennefer has never questioned him before. Sure, she's made little remarks about his gifts off and on, always attempting to get him to admit they were gifts. He's always had something to say for that even if it didn't come to him immediately. But she's never questioned why Jaskier was ever around. He closes his mouth, pursing his lips because he has nothing. There's really not even a vaguely convincing excuse he could give as he can with all his gifts. Still, he tries for a moment or two longer because the excuses have always been to her benefit. They avoid any acknowledgment of the toll this entire thing with Mammon might have taken on her. They don't put her in a position where she needs to contend with a friendship she hasn't really experienced in the way Jaskier has for herself yet. But he comes up completely dry for this one.]
Well, largely because of the things I can't tell you, [he admits a little easier than he expected to. The next part is a little more challenging because he can't think of a way to phrase it that isn't walking straight into any implication that Yennefer needs any sort of help. He tries his best to minimize it all the same.] And I know, I know, you don't need anyone but yourself and blah, blah, blah. That's fine. I'm not doubting that you can take care of yourself or that I'm the last person you would ever need if you ever needed anybody.
[He waves a dismissive hand as though pre-empting any of her protests or arguments for what he's about to say next.]
But none of that changes the fact I still haven't seen or spoken with you since the hospital. So... [Jaskier nods a little.] Yes. I was willing to wait quite a while to see you because even if I reasonably know you're fine, regardless of your reasons for it, you put yourself at great risk.
[He shrugs a shoulder then.]
And I still needed to see you were alright for myself. [Jaskier's lips curve into a slight smile that never quite reflects in his eyes because he's beginning to brace himself. He doesn't anticipate any amount of preamble negating any potential offense Yennefer could take and he fully anticipates her lashing out. The small amount of humor he tries to inject into it is his attempt at trying to distract from what feels like the impending sting when she strikes.] If that makes you rethink the whole magpie thing and change it to a mother hen, then so be it. I happily accept that and whatever other grief you wish to give me for giving a shit.
[He fully braces himself then by trying to pre-empt her rejection.]
That being said, not that you need my permission, but if you'd truly like me to fuck off, just say the word.
[Jaskier should perhaps conclude by saying that nothing could possibly bring him greater pleasure than being told to leave and not have to contend with her any longer than is strictly necessary. He doesn't though. Because even if it is Yennefer and even if she's not entirely as she was the last time he saw her in their world, it hardly matters. Selfishly, he's felt a modicum of usefulness here, tending to Yennefer's needs in a way he doesn't think anyone else has. Or, at the very least, he can't see Geralt doing any of this because he hasn't the first clue how. And Tech? As far as Jaskier can tell, Tech has wisely kept their relationship strictly businesslike in its presentation. And not to say that Yennefer doesn't have other people here working with her on this problem aside from Geralt and Tech, but would she allow them to do this? So, to some extent, it would kill Jaskier a little to hear from even Yennefer that he's unwanted or more trouble than he's worth.]
[And perhaps more selfishly, now that he's seen even so much as a glimpse of the person Yennefer can be beneath everything he finds contemptible about her, he doesn't want to give up on her either. As fucked up as it probably is that he would ever feel this way about someone who once threatened his life, he doesn't want Yennefer to feel alone either and have that goodness within her snuffed out before it's had a chance to truly blossom.]
(there's a strange relief at his words, though she wouldn't readily admit it. she's suspected something changed between them in the future, making them something closer to friends, but this is the first time he's admitted it. and she knows, she knows, she was the one who told him she didn't want to know anything. she never claimed to be consistent.
especially lately when her already volatile emotions feel like they're dialed up to eleven. the worst part is she knows how horrible the hospital was for him and geralt but it had felt good for her to be able to actually do something. to feel like she was doing more than just spinning her wheels.)
You're not the last person, bard. I can think of a few that rank lower.
(which is practically a compliment coming from yennefer.)
And if I was going to tell you to fuck off, I would have by now.
(and it'd be easy to, it'd be easy to lash out and push him away and be done with it but.....
it's been nice, if she's honest, having someone checking in on her with no -- well minimal ulterior motives, at the very least. she's used to being an island and she knows how to be one well, but there's something to be said about not having to be. and obviously his actions have mattered to her or she wouldn't have bothered saving him in the first place. sure, that would have made getting geralt out more difficult, but it wasn't the only reason she did it. nor was it the reason she comforted jaskier like she did -- or give geralt shit about what she had heard in the bard's mind.)
I'm fine, Bard. I didn't get caught, and I came out much better than most people I ran into there. Nothing you need to lament over, though I see now the idea of my suffering brings you great distress, and not that I can blame you about that, but I will be fine.
(will she? that's a question. she may have survived the hospital ordeal better than most but she's far from fine. still, she's giving him the option to leave, if he wants to take it, trying to respect their usual banter and barbs after what she just admitted.)
Still, I thought I might at least get a thank you.
[Backhanded or not, it still counts as a compliment coming from Yennefer. Or, at least, Jaskier is willing to accept it as one. In any case, he doesn't look altogether displeased or offended when she doesn't indicate what "a few" actually translated to in terms of number.]
[Which also leads him to be a little less convinced when she says she will be fine. No, no, he meant what he said. He knows Yennefer is more than capable of taking matters into her own hands and finding her way to coming out on top. But how bad will it get before she does? How much of that might she end up self-inflicting? Jaskier's uncertain of the answer to either question and has to make a concerted effort not to dwell on it.]
[He scoffs a little.]
You got your ale. Don't get greedy. [He shakes his head, looking off to the side, muttering to himself,] Does something kind and expects a bloody feast to be held in her honor. Ridiculous...
[Jaskier looks at Yennefer again.]
Alright, one more thing, [he says, holding up a finger to indicate that she's only receiving one final gift today.] But that's all you get because you, madam, are becoming spoiled and entitled. More so than usual.
[And perhaps in the most magpie of potential gifts that Jaskier could possibly give Yennefer, he produces a jasper stone that's a little smaller than a coin and offers it to her.]
You witches are always messing about with plants and rocks, yeah?
[Jaskier still remembers what Yennefer said about jasper, but he feigns ignorance of it now. Maybe she'll suspect he knows. Maybe she won't. Either way, Jaskier intends to play it off entirely as he saw a smooth and pretty rock, and blindly assumed she might have use of it somehow all the while secretly hoping that it might serve as a reminder. Because Yennefer's rage is powerful and terrifyingly so. But there is more to her and her power than all of that. Something that will see her through this incomplete spell. Something Jaskier did not just witness but felt for himself as he held so tightly to her hand throughout the hospital.]
[She might not want to talk about it and that's... Well, it's not really fine, but Jaskier understands better than Yennefer perhaps understands or realizes her reservations for speaking of it. But even if she never speaks of it again, Jaskier is determined she never forgets it.]
(yen might not use her words, but she is grateful for jaskier's visits, even if she acts annoyed by his gifts half the time. it's just...she's not used to people doing those sorts of things for her without expecting anything in return. not that geralt doesn't have his own way of helping but....well that's as complicated and messy as it's always been, if not more so now. but jaskier brings her things without expecting much in return and she never knows what to make of it.
so she defaults to the snarky banter that comes naturally to both of them most of the time. she raises a brow when he calls her greedy.)
And whose fault is that, exactly?
(she's always been a little bit greedy, someone who was almost never satisfied with what she had. sometimes she wonders if that's what drew mammon, an apparent lord of greed, to her. she tries not to think about it too much, just like she tries not to think of whether the alterations on her appearance had been part of the appeal too. from what she understands, he likes his experiments.
but those thoughts are put away when he hands her the jasper. it's smooth and warm in her hand.)
Active Jasper. It provides warmth, energy and balance. It helps turns wrongs into rights.
(which could be useful. or at least comforting to have. not that she needs comfort mind you....but if she did....it's a thoughtful gift, even if he couldn't have possibly known the meaning of it. as for the hospital....well with what he said about her hands and holding them earlier she doesn't feel exactly welcome to open that door again. she assumes he doesn't want to talk about it. she can't blame him, really.)
Oh, does it? [Most of the time when Jaskier lies, it's much like a child pretending they haven't devoured all the sweets while the evidence is still plainly there on their face. But with this, Jaskier is actually able to pass it off as though this is brand new information as he offers a little shrug.] I just thought it was a nice rock.
But all the better if you have some sort of use for it.
You just saw a shiny rock and picked it up for me? (there's an almost teasing grin on her lips -- but don't mistake that for fondness jaskier!!! there is no fondness here. never mind the rescue and the hug. irrelevent.)
[Jaskier closes his mouth and ceases his stammering, frowning a little. Because he technically did just say that even if that's absolutely not true. But he can't exactly defend himself without letting it slip that he already knew what active jasper was for! Pursing his lips, Jaskier bobs his head a little as he tries to come up with literally anything else for a defense.]
It's okay my dear magpie, I won't let anyone know you've chosen me to give your gifts to.
(is she just fucking with him a little now....maybe. but there's a hint of genuineness. the stone itself was surprisingly thoughtful, even if he didn't know what it represented.)
I'm sure I'll manage to find some use for it. Though I disagree with your earlier comment, I am fairly certain my hands are softer, smooth as this rock is.
[His discomfort at my dear magpie is both palpable and quite visible as he does very little to control his expression as he shudders a little. Even the Yennefer he knows back home wouldn't likely be so prone to such a blatantly affectionate name as that! It's unnerving.]
Although I shall not be testing that theory of yours, I believe the only soft thing here is you. Saving me, admitting you don't mind me all that much, and now affectionate pet names? [He starts the short walk to his own suite door, turning to still face Yennefer as he passes her.] Yennefer, you keep this up, people are going to start getting the wrong idea about us and think we're friends. I know it would be a great boon to you for such an association, but I'm afraid my fragile reputation here couldn't possibly weather it.
(she can sense the discomfort radiating off of him and mission accomplished. she has no intention to suddenly start using it as a pet name all the time, but once? to throw him off? worth it.
well, it was until she hears what he has to say. he wasn't supposed to remember her saying she didn't mind him.)
Believe me bard, I don't need you to improve my reputation. It's doing just fine. If anything, considering I have been here much longer, the association would be a boon to you, not the other way around.
Yeah, see, you've never had to meet you before. So... [Jaskier makes a face of mock pity.] But don't you worry, witch. I gain enough devoted fans, I might someday acknowledge you around others besides Geralt.
Please. You only think they're devoted -- most of your fans, if you can call them that, are devoted to trying to get you to shut up. (this is much more familiar, sniping with him then giving too much thoughts on all the gifts he brought with him.)
Oh, believe me, [Jaskier says with a crooked grin.] I am well-aware of all their efforts to shut me up.
[He winks at her, letting that be that rather than taking another potshot at her since he imagines it will be just as effective, and turns back around to let himself into his own suite.]
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[And yet... Well, he needed the space. And that's not such a terrible thing. To do what he needed for himself. At least, he's willing to try and believe that right now, and it's not quite as difficult to do with Yennefer. If anyone were to understand, she would be the first, wouldn't she? She's practically written the book on doing what needs to be done for oneself first, after all. Still, Jaskier keeps the struggle between his wants and needs to himself and nothing appears to be even the slightest bit amiss as he scoffs with a shake of his head.]
Oh, don't start using me as an excuse. You did one kind thing for the first time in what? Ever? And now you think that's an excuse to congratulate yourself by sitting on your laurels. [He knows she hasn't been. Jaskier didn't need to be here to know that Yennefer was likely still throwing herself into her research for as long as possible. Most likely it was too much.] Honestly, I should have known if I wasn't keeping a closer eye on you, you'd start to get unfocused and likely start expecting all sorts of favors from everyone around you.
[He shakes his head a little like he's not mad, just disappointed.]
Well, I owe you nothing because not only did I keep my mouth shut when you provided me with a perfect opportunity to speak at length about all the ways in which you have perfected the art of being a heartless she-demon who gorges herself endlessly on the misery and suffering of others that she inflicts by her mere presence alone, I also did as you asked, [he says, pulling a flask from one of his pockets and offering it to her with a theatrical bow.] Your ale, my most heroic and valiant lady.
[When she takes it, he adds,] I promise it doesn't have as horrendous an aftertaste as the first one. You should like it even with as discerning a palate as yours.
[Jaskier shudders a little at the memory of it. He's tolerated some shit alcohol—the sorts that one should never drink unless they were already quite intoxicated and even that did little to take the edge off—but that one stood far above those. It's the reason he took to taste-testing the alcohol he brought her after.]
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For the record, not the first kind thing I've done. Just because it's the first one you recall does not rewrite history. If only I had the time to bask in the afterglow of heroism. Maybe be fed grapes and fanned a bit? At least to start with.
(but there's no time for it, and if people had thanked her too much for it she would have felt weird about it. she didn't do it because it was the right thing to do, she did it because it was her people in there, and she rescued other people because it would gain favor with lucifer which could be advantageous for her. at least that's what she tells herself. it's much easier to think it was all selfish.
she's not surprised when he presents the flask. after all, he has made a habit of bringing her things, whether's it's trinkets or food or lectures about how she's beginning to look her age from a lack of rest.)
I'm beginning to think I should call you a magpie, Bard. You have adapted the habits of one.
(which is her way of saying thank you. but then the next part makes her raise a brow. it's the second time now he's made such a reference to the future she hasn't lived through. she shouldn't poke at it and yet she touches the hot iron all the same.)
You made a comment in there about me rescuing you before -- and now this comment about ale. There's a story there.
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What? [Jaskier doesn't have a moment to comment on the magpie comment before Yennefer has thrown him for a loop. His eyebrows raise as he realizes more of what he's said. Both before and now. Shit. Fucking fuck. Jaskier's jaw starts to work for a moment before firmly, he blurts out,] No. No, there isn't. Well. There is. But...
[He trails off, mentally scrambling for anything that might throw off the scent that he's let anything slip. Quickly, he arrives at something and folds his arms across his chest.]
Buuuuut you already know the stories. Yeah. You do. You absolutely do. [Jaskier nods before he unfolds an arm to gesture at Yennefer.] As you already said for yourself, you remember the first one better than I do. Though I would completely understand the argument that putting a knife to my throat certainly detracts from the notion of being rescued resulted in its preclusion as a possibility of what I was referring to. I'm glad we can agree that it ought to be in all fairness. Truly, the first sign that you have any sense of morality.
[Jaskier's hand moves to his hip as he gestures with a finger, waving and pointing towards the ceiling as he moves onto his next point.]
And as far as ale is concerned, sure, we were technically not drinking together together, but don't tell me you remember the ale in Caingorn as being particularly good?
[Jaskier raises an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly like he's about to judge her if she so much as indicates she would.]
I mean, I'm sure it's better than whatever pisswater passes for ale in Nilfgaard, but Yennefer... Don't make me take that ale back and give it to someone who might properly appreciate it. I'll do it. Don't think I won't. Because I will. I will absolutely not allow what little good drink there is here to be wasted on someone with an inferior palate.
[Jaskier isn't even sure he believes himself right now. But he's talking quickly, not allowing much room for response or challenge before he's talking about taking back the flask he just handed her. So, maybe if she doesn't believe him, she'll at least be distracted by the manic energy of his talking that she won't want to bother with pressing him any further on the matter. He said he wouldn't tell her anything, and he intends to keep that. As much as possible, provided his stupid mouth hasn't spoiled it.]
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(it's true, yennefer actually finds such fawning annoying -- unless she can use someone's adoration of her to her advantage like that poor knight she followed on the dragon hunt.
it's almost impossible to keep up from one thought to another, jaskier is speaking so quickly. she doesn't even have a chance to point she does have a sense of morality -- it just happens to look a little different from a lot of other people's. but even she has lines she wouldn't cross. or she thinks she wouldn't cross, anyways.
two things can be true at once. she doesn't really want to know her future but she doesn't buy what he's trying to sell either. jaskier only gets that rambling when he's nervous. and why would he be nervous if he wasn't covering something up? she could invade his mind, try to pry out the answers there, but she doesn't really want them it's just....curious to think that circumstances in the future might have made them closer. it would explain the whole magpie routine he's taken on. him giving a shit about her at all. his barbs aren't nearly as sharp as they once were. it's just interesting is all. nothing more.)
I'd like to see you try to take this, or anything from me, bard. (she challenges with an amused brow. but she does open the flask now to take a drink.)
You're telling the truth about that much -- it does taste better than the piss we had to deal with in Caingorn.
(but the rest sounds sus. she's just saying.)
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[He shrugs a little in an I told you so manner at her comment about the ale. But he's far from content to let that be entirely non-verbal.]
See? Told you. [Jaskier lets his hands drop back down at his side.] And I'm not behaving like a magpie. I'm just merely making you a little more tolerable. Speaking of which...
[Jaskier holds up a finger before fishing around in his pockets again. He ends up producing a small jar. It's difficult to say if he's really undermining anyone's point here, or simply reinforcing both their claims by having yet another thing to give her. But it's been a while since he's turned up unannounced, so there's a bit to make up for as far as he's concerned.]
I've felt smoother and softer rocks than your hand. So. To spare anyone else that fate, yeah?
[Because he absolutely has no intention of touching her hands again, thank you very much.]
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(she could push it further but what if it really is stuff she'd rather not know? she has enough, and thens some, on her plate currently. better not to add things from a future she hasn't lived yet to it. it's just practical.
even if she is still a little curious.)You say you're not a magpie and then you present me with another gift.
(but she's curious. she opens up the jar, sniffing slightly. it's a nice lavender smell -- a change from her normal lilac and gooseberries blends. he says it's for her hands but she wonders if he was also thinking of her nerves. she doesn't ask. that would be admitted her nerves need soothing. )
You weren't complaining at the time, if I recall. (she twists the top of the jar back on)
It's okay if you actually liked holding hands with me, Jaskier. No one would fault you.
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I would much sooner cut both my hands off before I would ever desire to hold your hand again, witch. The only reason I didn't complain about having my hand trapped in that unsightly and disproportionate paw of yours is that I was delirious. In case you hadn't noticed, I hadn't slept properly for quite some time. Never mind everything those pills and injections did to me.
[Jaskier has never been particularly good at masking discomfort of any sort. In fact, one could make the argument he rarely ever bothers with masking it given that he tends to verbalize it loudly and immediately upon its presence. But, in general, Jaskier has never been particularly well-versed in deceit. Unlike Yennefer who can feel one thing and present the exact opposite with no evidence of any falsehood, Jaskier's facades always crumble immediately. It's what leads him to be so reliant upon distraction and misdirection rather than a direct lie.]
[And so, it's likely abundantly obvious that the mere mention of it all brings forth a dark cloud for Jaskier. His eyes dart away from Yennefer, glancing over at an unimportant spot on the nearby wall. His voice is even and strong, but it still fades just a touch by the end. The pad of one of his thumbs traces a brief circle over his fingertips. Jaskier opens his mouth to say something else, but then he thinks better of it. She asked where he was a while ago, and he never gave her an answer. It's not so much that the moment has completely passed since he can always return to it, but it feels a little too vulnerable a thing to admit to Yennefer. To anyone really, but especially to Yennefer. Even if she perhaps already knows that Jaskier just needed some time and that's why he hasn't been around like he was before.]
[So, instead, his expression brightens quickly—the fidgeting and discomfort only lasts for a second or two as he brushes aside any effect his time in the hospital has had on him—and he says instead,]
I know you're used to every man you come across losing what little sense he might possess in your presence, but I happen to be immune. I only took your hand out of necessity. So, better luck with someone else, Yennefer.
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Of course I noticed. I would have been completely blind not to.
(it's not her best work but she admits, she's slightly taken aback. his words are sharper than they have been....since he's been here really. she had begun to get used to a form of banter that didn't feel quite as pointed, quite as sharp. but she obviously hit a nerve, and what does a wounded animal do but bite back when backed into a corner?
who would know better than that. and yet his words sting. she remembers a time when her hands were unsightly, not as twisted as her spine had been, or as offset as her jaw, but still. she reminds herself that she was lucky. she didn't have to suffer the way he and geralt and countless others did in that hospital. she notices the fidgeting and discomfort, but she doesn't address it. nor does she remind him that they more than held hands. she had hugged him, tried to offer him some semblance of comfort.
she thought they were...what friends? that seems foolish. he probably just checks up on her so much because he worries about her dragging geralt into her shit. he never actually wanted to be her friend. she pulls herself back together, as she always does, not that any of that internal struggle played out on her face anyways. )
Then why, pray tell, did you wait outside my door for gods know how long? You could have left your gifts with a scathing letter and be done with it.
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Well, largely because of the things I can't tell you, [he admits a little easier than he expected to. The next part is a little more challenging because he can't think of a way to phrase it that isn't walking straight into any implication that Yennefer needs any sort of help. He tries his best to minimize it all the same.] And I know, I know, you don't need anyone but yourself and blah, blah, blah. That's fine. I'm not doubting that you can take care of yourself or that I'm the last person you would ever need if you ever needed anybody.
[He waves a dismissive hand as though pre-empting any of her protests or arguments for what he's about to say next.]
But none of that changes the fact I still haven't seen or spoken with you since the hospital. So... [Jaskier nods a little.] Yes. I was willing to wait quite a while to see you because even if I reasonably know you're fine, regardless of your reasons for it, you put yourself at great risk.
[He shrugs a shoulder then.]
And I still needed to see you were alright for myself. [Jaskier's lips curve into a slight smile that never quite reflects in his eyes because he's beginning to brace himself. He doesn't anticipate any amount of preamble negating any potential offense Yennefer could take and he fully anticipates her lashing out. The small amount of humor he tries to inject into it is his attempt at trying to distract from what feels like the impending sting when she strikes.] If that makes you rethink the whole magpie thing and change it to a mother hen, then so be it. I happily accept that and whatever other grief you wish to give me for giving a shit.
[He fully braces himself then by trying to pre-empt her rejection.]
That being said, not that you need my permission, but if you'd truly like me to fuck off, just say the word.
[Jaskier should perhaps conclude by saying that nothing could possibly bring him greater pleasure than being told to leave and not have to contend with her any longer than is strictly necessary. He doesn't though. Because even if it is Yennefer and even if she's not entirely as she was the last time he saw her in their world, it hardly matters. Selfishly, he's felt a modicum of usefulness here, tending to Yennefer's needs in a way he doesn't think anyone else has. Or, at the very least, he can't see Geralt doing any of this because he hasn't the first clue how. And Tech? As far as Jaskier can tell, Tech has wisely kept their relationship strictly businesslike in its presentation. And not to say that Yennefer doesn't have other people here working with her on this problem aside from Geralt and Tech, but would she allow them to do this? So, to some extent, it would kill Jaskier a little to hear from even Yennefer that he's unwanted or more trouble than he's worth.]
[And perhaps more selfishly, now that he's seen even so much as a glimpse of the person Yennefer can be beneath everything he finds contemptible about her, he doesn't want to give up on her either. As fucked up as it probably is that he would ever feel this way about someone who once threatened his life, he doesn't want Yennefer to feel alone either and have that goodness within her snuffed out before it's had a chance to truly blossom.]
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(there's a strange relief at his words, though she wouldn't readily admit it. she's suspected something changed between them in the future, making them something closer to friends, but this is the first time he's admitted it. and she knows, she knows, she was the one who told him she didn't want to know anything. she never claimed to be consistent.
especially lately when her already volatile emotions feel like they're dialed up to eleven. the worst part is she knows how horrible the hospital was for him and geralt but it had felt good for her to be able to actually do something. to feel like she was doing more than just spinning her wheels.)
You're not the last person, bard. I can think of a few that rank lower.
(which is practically a compliment coming from yennefer.)
And if I was going to tell you to fuck off, I would have by now.
(and it'd be easy to, it'd be easy to lash out and push him away and be done with it but.....
it's been nice, if she's honest, having someone checking in on her with no -- well minimal ulterior motives, at the very least. she's used to being an island and she knows how to be one well, but there's something to be said about not having to be. and obviously his actions have mattered to her or she wouldn't have bothered saving him in the first place. sure, that would have made getting geralt out more difficult, but it wasn't the only reason she did it. nor was it the reason she comforted jaskier like she did -- or give geralt shit about what she had heard in the bard's mind.)
I'm fine, Bard. I didn't get caught, and I came out much better than most people I ran into there. Nothing you need to lament over, though I see now the idea of my suffering brings you great distress, and not that I can blame you about that, but I will be fine.
(will she? that's a question. she may have survived the hospital ordeal better than most but she's far from fine. still, she's giving him the option to leave, if he wants to take it, trying to respect their usual banter and barbs after what she just admitted.)
Still, I thought I might at least get a thank you.
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[Which also leads him to be a little less convinced when she says she will be fine. No, no, he meant what he said. He knows Yennefer is more than capable of taking matters into her own hands and finding her way to coming out on top. But how bad will it get before she does? How much of that might she end up self-inflicting? Jaskier's uncertain of the answer to either question and has to make a concerted effort not to dwell on it.]
[He scoffs a little.]
You got your ale. Don't get greedy. [He shakes his head, looking off to the side, muttering to himself,] Does something kind and expects a bloody feast to be held in her honor. Ridiculous...
[Jaskier looks at Yennefer again.]
Alright, one more thing, [he says, holding up a finger to indicate that she's only receiving one final gift today.] But that's all you get because you, madam, are becoming spoiled and entitled. More so than usual.
[And perhaps in the most magpie of potential gifts that Jaskier could possibly give Yennefer, he produces a jasper stone that's a little smaller than a coin and offers it to her.]
You witches are always messing about with plants and rocks, yeah?
[Jaskier still remembers what Yennefer said about jasper, but he feigns ignorance of it now. Maybe she'll suspect he knows. Maybe she won't. Either way, Jaskier intends to play it off entirely as he saw a smooth and pretty rock, and blindly assumed she might have use of it somehow all the while secretly hoping that it might serve as a reminder. Because Yennefer's rage is powerful and terrifyingly so. But there is more to her and her power than all of that. Something that will see her through this incomplete spell. Something Jaskier did not just witness but felt for himself as he held so tightly to her hand throughout the hospital.]
[She might not want to talk about it and that's... Well, it's not really fine, but Jaskier understands better than Yennefer perhaps understands or realizes her reservations for speaking of it. But even if she never speaks of it again, Jaskier is determined she never forgets it.]
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(yen might not use her words, but she is grateful for jaskier's visits, even if she acts annoyed by his gifts half the time. it's just...she's not used to people doing those sorts of things for her without expecting anything in return. not that geralt doesn't have his own way of helping but....well that's as complicated and messy as it's always been, if not more so now. but jaskier brings her things without expecting much in return and she never knows what to make of it.
so she defaults to the snarky banter that comes naturally to both of them most of the time. she raises a brow when he calls her greedy.)
And whose fault is that, exactly?
(she's always been a little bit greedy, someone who was almost never satisfied with what she had. sometimes she wonders if that's what drew mammon, an apparent lord of greed, to her. she tries not to think about it too much, just like she tries not to think of whether the alterations on her appearance had been part of the appeal too. from what she understands, he likes his experiments.
but those thoughts are put away when he hands her the jasper. it's smooth and warm in her hand.)
Active Jasper. It provides warmth, energy and balance. It helps turns wrongs into rights.
(which could be useful. or at least comforting to have. not that she needs comfort mind you....but if she did....it's a thoughtful gift, even if he couldn't have possibly known the meaning of it. as for the hospital....well with what he said about her hands and holding them earlier she doesn't feel exactly welcome to open that door again. she assumes he doesn't want to talk about it. she can't blame him, really.)
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But all the better if you have some sort of use for it.
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You just saw a shiny rock and picked it up for me? (there's an almost teasing grin on her lips -- but don't mistake that for fondness jaskier!!! there is no fondness here. never mind the rescue and the hug. irrelevent.)
You really have become quite the magpie.
(sorry that's sticking.)
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[Jaskier closes his mouth and ceases his stammering, frowning a little. Because he technically did just say that even if that's absolutely not true. But he can't exactly defend himself without letting it slip that he already knew what active jasper was for! Pursing his lips, Jaskier bobs his head a little as he tries to come up with literally anything else for a defense.]
Shut up...
[1 - Yennefer, 0 - Jaskier.]
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It's okay my dear magpie, I won't let anyone know you've chosen me to give your gifts to.
(is she just fucking with him a little now....maybe. but there's a hint of genuineness. the stone itself was surprisingly thoughtful, even if he didn't know what it represented.)
I'm sure I'll manage to find some use for it. Though I disagree with your earlier comment, I am fairly certain my hands are softer, smooth as this rock is.
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Although I shall not be testing that theory of yours, I believe the only soft thing here is you. Saving me, admitting you don't mind me all that much, and now affectionate pet names? [He starts the short walk to his own suite door, turning to still face Yennefer as he passes her.] Yennefer, you keep this up, people are going to start getting the wrong idea about us and think we're friends. I know it would be a great boon to you for such an association, but I'm afraid my fragile reputation here couldn't possibly weather it.
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(she can sense the discomfort radiating off of him and mission accomplished. she has no intention to suddenly start using it as a pet name all the time, but once? to throw him off? worth it.
well, it was until she hears what he has to say. he wasn't supposed to remember her saying she didn't mind him.)
Believe me bard, I don't need you to improve my reputation. It's doing just fine. If anything, considering I have been here much longer, the association would be a boon to you, not the other way around.
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Please. You only think they're devoted -- most of your fans, if you can call them that, are devoted to trying to get you to shut up. (this is much more familiar, sniping with him then giving too much thoughts on all the gifts he brought with him.)
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[He winks at her, letting that be that rather than taking another potshot at her since he imagines it will be just as effective, and turns back around to let himself into his own suite.]