If planning a stroll through some cursed woods, perhaps, [Jaskier says with a shrug, spreading his arms slightly.] But since I don't share in your urge to maim or otherwise mangle others, I try to look appealing when capturing someone's attention, Yennefer. Not terrify them.
[But even when he's taking his digs like this, he's not calling her ugly or calling her choices in fashion as being poor. Haunting and terrifying don't exclude beautiful as an adjective. He just can't say as much now. Or possibly ever for that matter.]
[It's fine because regardless, it would appear that it flew straight over Jaskier's head if she were conceding to any notion that he can looks appealing. Jaskier, instead, gets caught on being told he cannot do something. Were it something more aligned with who and what he prides himself in being, no doubt, spite would have sent him proving her wrong immediately as Yennefer no doubt would were their roles reversed. As it is though, he merely protests,]
Now what sort of bard would ever be able to make coin if they were terrifying, my dear lady? You think it a talent, but I would call it a detriment.
Hardly, being terrifying has helped me make my coin, not to mention protected me.
(because although she was a powerful sorceress she was still a woman in a world that was not particularly kind to them. for her being terrifying wasn't just a defense mechanism -- it was a survival skill. it didn't pay to be someone people thought they could fuck with. not in her experience. but their roles and what they call for are different, even if they are both performances of sorts.)
[He wants to roll his eyes and scoff, of course. Jaskier is loath to allow Yennefer the victory here or to acknowledge she's successfully made a point. But it's a point that's large and important, and it's shaped so much of her life. It's not one that Jaskier can reasonably deny nor would he ultimately. Especially not over something as petty as winning a verbal spar with her. Making a face, he exhales sharply in a huff as his hands find his hips.]
Yeah, well. My point still stands, [he says, his tone close to being petulant.] It doesn't serve nor suit me to be terrifying. Even for the sake of protection, I've no need of it! Aside from my own wit, Geralt's glowering serves me well enough. And one look at your mug, particularly first thing in the morning, is sure to send most fleeing for the hills. Plus, I'm dating a god and a woman with abilities beyond what your average person could do.
[Jaskier likely sounds a bit proud when talks about who he's dating. Dating being the key word because when not taking into account his fondness and affection for both of them, Jaskier's simply quite pleased with the term itself. Although not always one to be taken by modernity (at least not quite as much as Tech would likely hope Jaskier might be) and certainly not one for labels when it comes to his romantic entanglements, he is charmed by that term. It doesn't feel as though it's trivializing anything while still not being quite as constricting as any of the terms they would use for it on the Continent. It's something unique for the both of them.]
[Plus, Yennefer can't say she's dating anyone. So... Ha!]
So, between the four of you—three if you're in a bad mood, [he says, waving his free hand in her direction,] I'm alright. I haven't any need to be anything other than my charming, loveable self.
Many people like my face in the morning. (like geralt, she doesn't say. maybe it's because things still feel fragile between them, or maybe it's because that would be exposing too much information, that she's allowed herself to be soft enough to stay.)
But Ava seems quite the capable woman, and Tech too, of course. You're lucky to have them.
(unlike geralt, even before this whole mess she had figured out tech and jaskier rather quickly. they weren't subtle.)
That must be a nice luxury, to not have to worry.
(it's said sardnoically but she is actually kind of jealous. she's never had that kind of freedom, wouldn't know what it feels like.)*
[Had she left it at luck, Jaskier most likely would have said something else about their good qualities. He's hardly ever been one to hesitate in espousing such things of those he's taken with in great detail. But Yennefer doesn't stop there and instead, she says something so incredibly, deeply sad that it gives Jaskier a moment of pause. He feels a pang of guilt at those words, knowing that he's no doubt contributed to that feeling of impossibility recently. He tries though not to dwell on that guilt, that thought. Yennefer more or less asked him not to dwell on it and push forward anyway. Still, he's a little quieter, more subdued when he says,]
It is.
[There's a bit of further hesitation.]
You'll know it someday, too, Yennefer.
[It's something he says with the utmost seriousness. He's not trying to take the piss out of her or mock her for the lack of trust she possesses for nearly everyone in her life. And neither does Jaskier doesn't wish it for her. He doesn't even qualify or soften it by saying it's something he believes will come to pass. Jaskier says it firmly as though it were fact, knowing full well that Yennefer's likely to scoff or ridicule him for it. It isn't going to shake his conviction on the matter any though if she does because he doesn't see the world the way she does. As much as Jaskier doesn't turn a blind eye to the cruelties of the world, the ways in which people can let one down or disappoint them greatly, he doesn't see those things as being the only guarantees in life. And so he believes in that good, that hope that sometimes if not often is neglected by Yennefer. Perhaps things will not always go exactly as she envisioned, but that does not mean she shall be without happiness forever. She just has to be certain to allow herself it when it happens. That's all.]
(yennefer isn't even sure she'd know how to recognize it if she did have it, let alone trust it. she long stopped allowing herself to hope for things, all it leads to is sadness and disappointment. over and over again she has learned the same lesson, the world is harsh and cruel. she cannot trust anyone but herself.
but she wants to. in spite of everything she has experienced behind all her hard exteriors, she wants to be loved. she wants it almost desperately. she had told geralt once, before it all went to shit, that she dreamed of being important to someone. it's all she's ever wanted, really.
that hasn't changed. and maybe that's why jaskier's words of anger had cut as deep as they did -- because perhaps she was not special to him the way tech or ava or geralt were she had thought -- well she's not sure what she thought, but to find it falling apart had hurt more than she expected.)
[He could try to rouse another answer out of her possibly. Jaskier's almost certain if he pointed out that the Yennefer of Vengerberg he knows doesn't settle for anything less than what she wants, that would bring out more of her usual fire. If he pressed harder by trying to get her to align more with the factual nature of his prediction, she'd either argue with him or scoff.]
[But the response Jaskier receives from her now is... It's softer than either of those. More vulnerable. More honest. He wouldn't change that or try to push her further into a belief she can't hold yet. Still, a smile tugs at his lips for just a moment. Softer and kinder than she's likely used to receiving. More honest, too. It's hard not to when she offers that vulnerability despite all her instincts and he understands just how hard it is for her to do that. Especially after the way he's behaved.]
[It's now, for the first time, Jaskier finally feels as though things can be okay between them again.]
Well! [he says abruptly, the smile vanishing and being replaced with a put-upon sigh.] Considering you've demonstrated once again what a layabout you are, I've quite the list of things to fetch for you now. Best I get to it or nothing will get done around here.
You know, Yennefer, one of these days, you might have to lift a finger. Gods forbid, even break a sweat every now and again!
(illusionary magic and all that. it's very useful. never mind that very soon she will be ill and sweaty -- she doesn't know that yet. for now she's content with some return to normalcy -- while not questioning too hard how spending time with jaskier became normal to her. or how it is easier to be vulnerable with him that it is most people.
even after he hurt like he did. and he did hurt her. but he had no agenda to apologize to her either -- no motives that she can sniff out beyond simply wanting to make things right between them.
that's a new one. but still, she waves her hand, as if dismissing him.)
But we shouldn't waste anymore time, you've put me behind schedule enough as it is.
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[But even when he's taking his digs like this, he's not calling her ugly or calling her choices in fashion as being poor. Haunting and terrifying don't exclude beautiful as an adjective. He just can't say as much now. Or possibly ever for that matter.]
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You can be appealing and terrifying. Or at least I can. Maybe it's beyond your capabilities, you're right.
(she's not arguing whether he manages to actually look appealing or not. why would she? it's not relevent.)
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Now what sort of bard would ever be able to make coin if they were terrifying, my dear lady? You think it a talent, but I would call it a detriment.
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Hardly, being terrifying has helped me make my coin, not to mention protected me.
(because although she was a powerful sorceress she was still a woman in a world that was not particularly kind to them. for her being terrifying wasn't just a defense mechanism -- it was a survival skill. it didn't pay to be someone people thought they could fuck with. not in her experience. but their roles and what they call for are different, even if they are both performances of sorts.)
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Yeah, well. My point still stands, [he says, his tone close to being petulant.] It doesn't serve nor suit me to be terrifying. Even for the sake of protection, I've no need of it! Aside from my own wit, Geralt's glowering serves me well enough. And one look at your mug, particularly first thing in the morning, is sure to send most fleeing for the hills. Plus, I'm dating a god and a woman with abilities beyond what your average person could do.
[Jaskier likely sounds a bit proud when talks about who he's dating. Dating being the key word because when not taking into account his fondness and affection for both of them, Jaskier's simply quite pleased with the term itself. Although not always one to be taken by modernity (at least not quite as much as Tech would likely hope Jaskier might be) and certainly not one for labels when it comes to his romantic entanglements, he is charmed by that term. It doesn't feel as though it's trivializing anything while still not being quite as constricting as any of the terms they would use for it on the Continent. It's something unique for the both of them.]
[Plus, Yennefer can't say she's dating anyone. So... Ha!]
So, between the four of you—three if you're in a bad mood, [he says, waving his free hand in her direction,] I'm alright. I haven't any need to be anything other than my charming, loveable self.
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Many people like my face in the morning. (like geralt, she doesn't say. maybe it's because things still feel fragile between them, or maybe it's because that would be exposing too much information, that she's allowed herself to be soft enough to stay.)
But Ava seems quite the capable woman, and Tech too, of course. You're lucky to have them.
(unlike geralt, even before this whole mess she had figured out tech and jaskier rather quickly. they weren't subtle.)
That must be a nice luxury, to not have to worry.
(it's said sardnoically but she is actually kind of jealous. she's never had that kind of freedom, wouldn't know what it feels like.)*
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It is.
[There's a bit of further hesitation.]
You'll know it someday, too, Yennefer.
[It's something he says with the utmost seriousness. He's not trying to take the piss out of her or mock her for the lack of trust she possesses for nearly everyone in her life. And neither does Jaskier doesn't wish it for her. He doesn't even qualify or soften it by saying it's something he believes will come to pass. Jaskier says it firmly as though it were fact, knowing full well that Yennefer's likely to scoff or ridicule him for it. It isn't going to shake his conviction on the matter any though if she does because he doesn't see the world the way she does. As much as Jaskier doesn't turn a blind eye to the cruelties of the world, the ways in which people can let one down or disappoint them greatly, he doesn't see those things as being the only guarantees in life. And so he believes in that good, that hope that sometimes if not often is neglected by Yennefer. Perhaps things will not always go exactly as she envisioned, but that does not mean she shall be without happiness forever. She just has to be certain to allow herself it when it happens. That's all.]
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Perhaps.
(yennefer isn't even sure she'd know how to recognize it if she did have it, let alone trust it. she long stopped allowing herself to hope for things, all it leads to is sadness and disappointment. over and over again she has learned the same lesson, the world is harsh and cruel. she cannot trust anyone but herself.
but she wants to. in spite of everything she has experienced behind all her hard exteriors, she wants to be loved. she wants it almost desperately. she had told geralt once, before it all went to shit, that she dreamed of being important to someone. it's all she's ever wanted, really.
that hasn't changed. and maybe that's why jaskier's words of anger had cut as deep as they did -- because perhaps she was not special to him the way tech or ava or geralt were she had thought -- well she's not sure what she thought, but to find it falling apart had hurt more than she expected.)
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[But the response Jaskier receives from her now is... It's softer than either of those. More vulnerable. More honest. He wouldn't change that or try to push her further into a belief she can't hold yet. Still, a smile tugs at his lips for just a moment. Softer and kinder than she's likely used to receiving. More honest, too. It's hard not to when she offers that vulnerability despite all her instincts and he understands just how hard it is for her to do that. Especially after the way he's behaved.]
[It's now, for the first time, Jaskier finally feels as though things can be okay between them again.]
Well! [he says abruptly, the smile vanishing and being replaced with a put-upon sigh.] Considering you've demonstrated once again what a layabout you are, I've quite the list of things to fetch for you now. Best I get to it or nothing will get done around here.
You know, Yennefer, one of these days, you might have to lift a finger. Gods forbid, even break a sweat every now and again!
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Even if I did sweat, you'd never know, bard.
(illusionary magic and all that. it's very useful. never mind that very soon she will be ill and sweaty -- she doesn't know that yet. for now she's content with some return to normalcy -- while not questioning too hard how spending time with jaskier became normal to her. or how it is easier to be vulnerable with him that it is most people.
even after he hurt like he did. and he did hurt her. but he had no agenda to apologize to her either -- no motives that she can sniff out beyond simply wanting to make things right between them.
that's a new one. but still, she waves her hand, as if dismissing him.)
But we shouldn't waste anymore time, you've put me behind schedule enough as it is.