"I know." As in, she knows he's not happy. She won't apologize again, it's not in her nature to do much of that to begin with, let over and over again. He knows she regrets some of the choices she made. Yennefer always sees better in hindsight, is the problem.
But she knows she needs to try to keep being honest with him, as much as she'd rather do anything but talk right now. "I thought I had enough figured out, and when he said he was planning on leaving with us after the carnival -- it felt like there was no turning back."
As apologies go, it's rather lackluster. From someone else it might be hard to call it an apology at all, exactly. Geralt isn't one to apologize much either, though, and he knows Yen. He can tell when she expresses regret—and what it means to share that with him.
"For what it's worth, I'm glad you're still here." There's not much point in berating her for what's done.
For him, this might be accepting an apology. "I wouldn't want to risk losing you again."
Look, she said the words I'm sorry that's all an apology needs, right? Okay, maybe not, but she's not exactly good at this. She's glad he doesn't berate her for it. she'll get enough of that later from jaskier
She reaches out to grab his hand, though whether it's to reassure himself or her she's not sure.
"And you haven't. I'm still me....just a little different now."
"I know," he assures her. He gives her a squeeze, his hand solid and rough, showing no hesitation in his touch.
There's no way to pretend he's not concerned, or not bothered. She's changed already, and it's difficult not to see the slippery slope in this, how one change leads to another and so on.
But he won't abandon her to that fate. If she needs someone to pull her back, who better than Geralt?
His hand his solid and rough, a steadying warmth where she needs it, even if she doesn't necessarily deserve it. She broke her word to him. She messed up in so many places and she had been too stubborn to listen when he warned because she thought that any cost would be worth her freedom.
After everything that went down....she's not so sure.
She rests her head on his broad shoulder, for once not seeking anything from him other than closeness. And maybe because she needs to break how fucking bleak it feels a little:
"If I ever see that Tunnel again I'm burning it down."
That gets a chuckle out of him. The kind that says that if she tries, he won't stop her. That if she wants to burn it down, the place probably has it coming. Maybe a few more places around here could stand to be burnt down.
He huffs then, not entirely ready to let her change the subject.
No, she didn't think he would let her off the hook that easily, somehow. Still, the chuckle is a nice sound to hear.
"I don't know." It's the honest answer. She had been so focussed on freeing herself from Mammon she hadn't given any thought of what she would do once she managed it. Nor did she expect the victory to feel so hollow.
"Are you going to try to fix this too?" The teeth. The ears. He has to wonder if she'll show the same determination to right that as she had to free herself from her cursed marriage.
Most likely not, and fine enough considering the relative severity. Still, she'd been changed by magic.
He figures it will probably come down to whether or not she feels like she had control over this.
"You found enough spells the last time. There has to be some charm or enchantment in the books here to fix this as well."
"You said it yourself, the only thing that seems to undo these kinds of changes is redemption."
And that's the normal hell changes -- these were deliberate ones by Mammon. Maybe there are spells that could undo it, she'd certainly look, but a pit in her stomach tells her it probably couldn't.
She doesn't really feel like she kept control in this situation, but her ears and teeth weren't the worst thing to happen from it.
"It's certainly worth looking into, though, just in case. I'd rather try to find a way to save Tech from his clutches -- but that would probably get us all in trouble."
Geralt grunts an affirmative to that. He can't argue with her priorities in that case. Really, it might be character growth for Yennefer to think about rescuing someone else like that.
To be fair, she's saved people before him...or tried at least, but by the time she knew him she was pretty disillusioned, to say the very least. But she does have a heart, much as she tries to ignore it for the sake of self-preservation.
"No. But martyrs never want to be saved."
Says the woman who tried to sacrifice herself in the fight in Sodden....and will again in the future.....
"There may be a bias there. The ones who are saved don't end up martyrs." Not that the saving is always successful. There are times that they all fail. The heroes and the martyrs and all would-be saviors.
Geralt isn't one to appreciate the glamour of the tragedy.
"Speaking from experience? Stopped a few martyrs in your time?"
She doesn't have to ask to know he's at least tried. But trying and succeeding are two very different things, something people as old as them are well aware of.
And she knows Tech's reasons. To save her. And his other friend. He can't die. In stories Gods sacrifice for the sake of their people but stories are full of shit and she's pretty sure if any gods exist in their world, and she doubts they do, they're assholes just like everyone else.
"And if it were your friend who was choosing to be tortured for a month, partly for your sake, you would simply respect that choice?"
Somehow, she doesn't think so. For all of his talk of the Path and the bard's songs about giving him coin she knows coin is not always the main motivation for Geralt. He may seem like another asshole, and sometimes he is, but he also has the capacity to give a shit where most other people wouldn't. Like with her.
"I didn't say I would," Geralt points out levelly. Then, after a pause and a subdued sigh, he adds, "Or that you should. I know you wouldn't listen to me telling you what to do regardless."
The last part is a particular mixture of fond and long suffering.
Which transitions naturally into, "But I do have some experience saving people who don't want to be saved. I can't say I regret doing it, but it can have its consequences."
"It's one of the things you like about me." A beat. "Most of the time." He probably doesn't appreciate her stubbornness to do what she wants right in this moment.
"Well I have to be able to do something. I'll find something."
Tech said she didn't own him but she feels the weight of debt around her neck all the same.
And then after another beat:
"Like entwining your destiny with a witch who doesn't listen to you?"
Edited (i wanted to add something later hours later don't @ me) 2022-06-12 08:10 (UTC)
"As much as I do like to take the dramatic option... I may be spent as far as acting drastically goes."
She's spent months scheming and planning and researching and it still blew up in her face in the end. She's tired. She wants to help Tech but she's also exhausted.
"So that's one less thing for you to worry about, at least."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"I know." As in, she knows he's not happy. She won't apologize again, it's not in her nature to do much of that to begin with, let over and over again. He knows she regrets some of the choices she made. Yennefer always sees better in hindsight, is the problem.
But she knows she needs to try to keep being honest with him, as much as she'd rather do anything but talk right now. "I thought I had enough figured out, and when he said he was planning on leaving with us after the carnival -- it felt like there was no turning back."
no subject
"For what it's worth, I'm glad you're still here." There's not much point in berating her for what's done.
For him, this might be accepting an apology. "I wouldn't want to risk losing you again."
no subject
Look, she said the words I'm sorry that's all an apology needs, right? Okay, maybe not, but she's not exactly good at this. She's glad he doesn't berate her for it.
she'll get enough of that later from jaskierShe reaches out to grab his hand, though whether it's to reassure himself or her she's not sure.
"And you haven't. I'm still me....just a little different now."
no subject
There's no way to pretend he's not concerned, or not bothered. She's changed already, and it's difficult not to see the slippery slope in this, how one change leads to another and so on.
But he won't abandon her to that fate. If she needs someone to pull her back, who better than Geralt?
no subject
After everything that went down....she's not so sure.
She rests her head on his broad shoulder, for once not seeking anything from him other than closeness. And maybe because she needs to break how fucking bleak it feels a little:
"If I ever see that Tunnel again I'm burning it down."
#Monikawasright
no subject
He huffs then, not entirely ready to let her change the subject.
"So what do we do now."
no subject
No, she didn't think he would let her off the hook that easily, somehow. Still, the chuckle is a nice sound to hear.
"I don't know." It's the honest answer. She had been so focussed on freeing herself from Mammon she hadn't given any thought of what she would do once she managed it. Nor did she expect the victory to feel so hollow.
no subject
Most likely not, and fine enough considering the relative severity. Still, she'd been changed by magic.
He figures it will probably come down to whether or not she feels like she had control over this.
"You found enough spells the last time. There has to be some charm or enchantment in the books here to fix this as well."
no subject
"You said it yourself, the only thing that seems to undo these kinds of changes is redemption."
And that's the normal hell changes -- these were deliberate ones by Mammon. Maybe there are spells that could undo it, she'd certainly look, but a pit in her stomach tells her it probably couldn't.
She doesn't really feel like she kept control in this situation, but her ears and teeth weren't the worst thing to happen from it.
"It's certainly worth looking into, though, just in case. I'd rather try to find a way to save Tech from his clutches -- but that would probably get us all in trouble."
no subject
She has grown some without him, hasn't she?
"Do you think that's what he'd want?"
no subject
To be fair, she's saved people before him...or tried at least, but by the time she knew him she was pretty disillusioned, to say the very least. But she does have a heart, much as she tries to ignore it for the sake of self-preservation.
"No. But martyrs never want to be saved."
Says the woman who tried to sacrifice herself in the fight in Sodden....and will again in the future.....
no subject
Geralt isn't one to appreciate the glamour of the tragedy.
"But he did make his choice for his own reasons."
no subject
"Speaking from experience? Stopped a few martyrs in your time?"
She doesn't have to ask to know he's at least tried. But trying and succeeding are two very different things, something people as old as them are well aware of.
And she knows Tech's reasons. To save her. And his other friend. He can't die. In stories Gods sacrifice for the sake of their people but stories are full of shit and she's pretty sure if any gods exist in their world, and she doubts they do, they're assholes just like everyone else.
"And if it were your friend who was choosing to be tortured for a month, partly for your sake, you would simply respect that choice?"
Somehow, she doesn't think so. For all of his talk of the Path and the bard's songs about giving him coin she knows coin is not always the main motivation for Geralt. He may seem like another asshole, and sometimes he is, but he also has the capacity to give a shit where most other people wouldn't. Like with her.
no subject
The last part is a particular mixture of fond and long suffering.
Which transitions naturally into, "But I do have some experience saving people who don't want to be saved. I can't say I regret doing it, but it can have its consequences."
no subject
"It's one of the things you like about me." A beat. "Most of the time." He probably doesn't appreciate her stubbornness to do what she wants right in this moment.
"Well I have to be able to do something. I'll find something."
Tech said she didn't own him but she feels the weight of debt around her neck all the same.
And then after another beat:
"Like entwining your destiny with a witch who doesn't listen to you?"
no subject
Or at least, he was willing to let it go without saying.
But if Yennfer wants to acknowledge it, he won't pretend otherwise.
"Something to consider before you do anything drastic."
no subject
"As much as I do like to take the dramatic option... I may be spent as far as acting drastically goes."
She's spent months scheming and planning and researching and it still blew up in her face in the end. She's tired. She wants to help Tech but she's also exhausted.
"So that's one less thing for you to worry about, at least."